Reflecting on past memories as they randomly pop into my head with such great detail it feels as if I am there but watching. Some are good others, not so much. I can smell the aroma in the air around me from the memory, I liken it to getting "sweet air" at the dentist. Anytime I was given gas I could swear I am having de ja vu or in a glitch in the matrix it was far more prominent as a child but it would feel almost as if I was between dimensions. Smelling and hearing a photograph.
It seems very strange for me to change so dramatically. I had finally gotten off all the pharmaceuticals and granted a legal medical cannabis card. I had lost some weight and felt pretty good. I still was trying to ignore my symptoms of whatever I was suffering from, it was all just in my mind, the voices. Now people would read that last statement and roll their eyes or shake their heads, "Such a Crutch".
I want to understand why I am not longer the person I was in 2017. I have gained SO much weight, my heart had a stint put in, I am on a total of 12 pills a day of which I am told for life. Why must I be on all these medications for life? All we are doing is letting them control us, they put us on all sorts of chemicals and God knows what. These meds then cause side effects that cause additional medication with even more side effects, an endless circle of the machine.
Today's memories had to do with a few birthdays over my life that were not as happy as they could have been. Made the best of whatever it happened to be, taking friends to a movie or even just house parties. The only attendees seemed to be those who were made to attend, like my "sweet sixteen" two sisters couldn't miss a Menu-do concert on tv. and others still just didn't show. Sure I was hurting inside but I would make the best of the situation.
LB #WWG1WGA
Qarmy
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