November 5, 2018

Wednesday  7:34 am   27°  another gray cold day... Snow Lotus shake

Mind is processing the following bits today will write some of it later: We are Truman of the Truman Show. I always asked who decided what things were called or who decided to say blue is blue and not apple. I do hope you get the idea there. There are so many topics going around, but what if it was "written" that way. That our lives are like a sim game. 

10:37 am  25°
Husband has called for the 4th time...

Finance seems to be one of the bigger factors to my anxiety and panic attacks. Husband's most recent call was because $300 is suddenly missing from our account, the one I closed my account to join into, their site had been down all day yesterday, did we get hacked, did they? WTAF My appointment with therapist at 1:00 pm. Last few days been having trouble with my hands shaking more than normal and a sharp pain in the back of my hand. It is similar to whacking your funny bone hard. This does alert me however that a panic attack is arriving and I need to take my Xanax.💢🖤

Seriously, we are so enslaved with life. Everything costs, How can I afford to be ill? When I am unable to work and go on leave, Since September 6th I have paid over $200 in co-pays alone not to mention the 14 medications I take each day that add hundreds more. In addition to having my credit card being compromised to over the limit and now now salary. Well I did start back at work BUT it appears I will have only worked 3 day for one pay period (2 weeks).

11:21 am  34°  called 6th time -cell then land and again rustled my feathers about how I seriously need to find more hours or another job to provide more income despite the restrictions my doctor has placed on me, and he wonders why I have anxiety and panic attacks?! The panic attacks also affect my heart and the shaking of my limbs that is not my control. should be a fun visit with Dr. Debbie. All my life I have had people tell me "You should write a book" when ever I told them stories from my life. That was why I would journal, I liked to use composition note books of the various events that essentially were my life in little nuggets. That is how I plan to use this. Let me know if you want to see those too.

4:43 pm  31° Alan Walker & Sia - Faded/Cheap Thrills/Alive/Airplanes (feat. Hayley Williams, B.o.B, Sean Paul)
3 more times since last typed. he is doing his magic tonight so I have started to do my nails, should have a picture a little later. My right hand still getting sharp pains, reminds me of a time before my father passed (so at least March 2003) they never did figure out what was wrong. I under went MRI's, Cat-scans, EEG (THAT sucked) it started with pains then my hands locked up in almost a flat fist that I would have to pry open as I couldn't do on own, no control over my hands for like a month. Hope it is not happening again, I loose all control from wrist down. Thank God for spellcheck.

11:00 pm  31°  
My hand hurts more so I go to bed.