This is so much harder than I thought it would be. I no longer have money on me, if I want/need money I have to ask for it. That being said lets get on with the current entry.
Tuesday December 4, 2018 1:25 pm 31° just dreary gray. no music just silence.
My husband has now called for the 9th time today to either remind me of what I need to do (laundry, dishes, sanding drywall etc.), what am I making for dinner, and once again going over why he doesn't understand why I would leave my full time job and go on short term medical leave when I knew the financial burden it would cause and the responsibility I have to pay various bills. Despite knowing how stressful the job had become, contributing to my heart issues back in April this year.
Why I thought it necessary to go on short term leave is because my doctor wrote a form out instructing as such. So from September 6 - November 23, I was on leave all the while I under went much psychological testing, therapy and medications which would be tweaked every so often as they regulated dosages etc. All of which mind you has an additional price tag attached to it. $30 co-pay a week just to see both doctor and therapist only to learn in addition to my preexisting PTSD, anxiety and major depressive disorders it was discovered I am also Schizo-affective Bipolar. How does this affect me? Guess what, yup in addition to the 7 meds for my hear that I have to take for basically the rest of my life I get an additional 6 meds, did I mention I HATE big Pharma and believe they keep us ill so we need even more meds etc, which was why my previous therapist got me a start issued medical cannabis card.
Since my atrial-fibrillation episode in early and being thrust on 7 pills they put a stint into my widow-maker due to an 85% blockage, I am only 48! That my friends is why I had to leave my job for a little while, I have returned to work actually, though my doctor wrote out the limitations to my working conditions, I am to be at 25 hours the most and no more than 6 hours a day, 4 days a week and must be able to leave during daylight hours. So thus far as of November 25th I have worked 3 days and they have not yet put me on schedule for the entire next week, the Wednesday after tomorrow. Now about the meds I started taking in April... Most of them had the side affect "may cause depression", one even said significant depression. So as one can imagine, already having the handful of acronyms this only matters far worse..
As for my focus, memory and motor skills, I have to use spell check all the time now as even thought I think I am typing the right thing it inevitably comes up misspelled anyway. And once again had to call said doctor's office to get my appointment date/times because I could not remember. It really sucks, you feel like you don't have a grasp of your own life, you begin questioning everything. Did I say that, when did I do this etc. You feel like a huge burden to those around you, you even can become so far as to feel worthless.
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